Category Archives: Facepalm
Earlier this morning, I noticed that I could see my scalp and I panicked. I suppose I should remind you that I have recently come off meds that gave me severe hair loss. My hair has been growing back, but it is always a slower process than you wish it would be. Anyways, this morning I panicked and my friend offered to give me bangs. I wasn’t just panicked.. I had a manic panic. I wasn’t in my right mind! And with my judgement faltered, I let her.
She started snipping away and I quickly realized how terrible this idea was. Seriously, I’m letting some girl cut my BANGS? Not just a trim, but bangs.. something I haven’t had since I was in third grade. She only had finished one side when I stopped her and ran to the nearest hair salon. They are not even, but in two weeks I will have the beautiful bangs I wanted today.
So that was my morning. I learned a lesson I won’t forget and I will keep learning it until these bangs grow longer. Wah. Here’s some pictures.
Once upon some french fries, I put ketchup on. I don’t know why I did this as I do not appreciate the taste of it. Anyways, I did this and without realizing I announced to everyone around me that it was REALLY good. REALLY good. Ah mah gad. Sa good.
Some people asked me if I was foreign and never had ketchup before and I dumbly responded that ketchup is a global condiment. Stupid idiots.
But then a random smartass man came up to me and said, “But you are having Heinz. That’s not real ketchup!”
“What?! This isn’t real? I just ate fake ketchup? Like movie ketchup?” I responded.
“I ate ketchup that looks like real ketchup but in fact is not? Oh my god. How could this happen to me?! Is this even a real hot dog?”
At this point he was embarrassed at the attention I drew and said quietly, “Dude [I love being called “dude”], calm down. Listen, I just wanted to say that Heinz uses a lot of corn syrup and Hunts uses more tomatoes. Therefore it is not real ketchup. That’s all..”
“You killed my ketchup buzz over corn syrup?”
“Sorry, I didn’t know you would take it so hard.”
“Have you had chocolate covered bacon?”
“Yes? But what..”
“Well, I haven’t because I don’t really favor pork and I have SOME dignity left!”
Anyways, I like ketchup now so yeah that happened.
Recently I took my dogs to Petco to buy more food and toys. I took my crazy lab and miniature pinscher. The two of them towed me through the parking lot in sheer joy of where they were. (The only thing my dogs can seemingly remember is where they have received treats/shots.) Anyways, the three of us bounded through the parking lot, whether I liked it or not.
I picked up food and a few things for the pups to chew for when I’m at work. We turn a corner and all of a sudden I hear this shrill bad 80’s movie scream. The scream stunned both me and my dogs to a complete stop. I believe my lab, Jack, hit the floor for cover. The woman looked at me, wide eyed, and said, “I didn’t realize there would be dogs here!”
Before I could stop myself (Let’s be real. Who could stop themselves at that comment?), I deduced she was an idiot and said, “You did not think there would be dogs… at a Petco… where the pets go.” I think at that comment you can tell her fear turned into embarrassment-anger and she started accusing my dogs of attacking her. Jack is still taking cover under the hamster balls, mind you. Luckily, an employee watched the whole incident. They sent me home with a bag full of complimentary treats and steered that malodorous heap of parrot droppings away from me.
I understand that people are afraid of dogs. I think it is stupid, but I understand irrational phobia. However, I do not go to Red Lobster (at all) and think I am not going to see a lobster. Or grocery stores for that matter. Sigh…
That’s all I have to say about that.