An Idiot’s Guide To Facebook Etiquette

 

I’m going to be real with you. I’m not the first person to rant about how annoying people are on Facebook. You can Google search and come up with about hundred blogs that list something like “five facebook faux pas”. That being said, could you learn something this time, you moron?

For the record, I’m not a Facebooker. I am a Twitterererer all the way. I don’t get on Facebook everyday and I don’t have an app for it on my phone. But as the Christmas season rolls in and I’m planning get togethers with old friends, I am finding myself on FB more and more. With fresh eyes, I am reacting to the lack of common sense on America’s favorite social network. Below are the many Facebookers who drove me to Twitter. If you’re reading this from Facebook and are guilty of most of these crimes, then this must be awkward for you!

Statuses

The Guilty Repost

Sadly, 97% of face book users will not re-post this. When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you. If you are the 3% who care re-post this and like it.

Because it’s Christmas time, I’ve been seeing this one a lot lately. Still, are you kidding me? I’m not reposting that crap. These types of statuses cry out “I need reassurance that I’m interesting :(”

Countdown Statuses

one 1567 more days until I marry my shnookums!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

STOP IT.

The Over Emo

Uncontrollable crying and I can’t stop thinking of YOU. cut cut slice slice

Oh. My. God. I realize you’re in a delicate state, but everyone has blocked you from their minifeed because they can’t stand you. Too harsh? We all know you’re calling out for help, but putting a status up after a breakup or momentary separation is pathetic. If you want to cry about it to someone, that’s what private messages are for. ya heard?

The Bragger

I’m amazing! Check out my boobs! They look sOoOoO awesome!

I’m glad you think so. No one else does.

I actually knew someone, briefly, who posted that. What I mean is people who post statuses or pictures about how awesome they are. The above statement is true 97% of the time.

The Person Who Has One Strong Point On Politics

This person loves posts a few (or many) times every day about how corrupt everything is and how awful the President is. I think you’re missing the point of Facebook. It’s a social network, not a realization that you might be the next Lee Harvey Oswald. (Since this is an idiot’s guide, I’ll assume you did not pay attention in American History. Oswald assassinated JFK.)

Replying.. What Replying?

I’m the largest offender in this area, but I have told everyone I know that I am a terrible Facebooker. Only because I don’t really like it anymore. I keep my profile as to stay in touch with friends.

That being said, people will ask me questions and I will have missed it for a few weeks, or months, and people get MAD. Don’t follow my actions in this instance. Apparently everyone still loves FB except for me.

Unmindful Posting

When you are on Facebook, you are friends with your friends, your work, your family, and your partner’s family. I’m not speaking for everyone here, but we don’t necessarily want to know when you got super wasted or how big your boobs are. Thanks though!

Event Invites

Remember when we didn’t know each other in middle school? Me too! Come check out my super sweet band this Thursday. We’re playing in our parent’s room.

NO.

Liking Your Junk

Listen, we get it. You are posting this because you think you’re funny. You don’t have to reassure us.

Posting The Wrong Thing

It’s a black top blur, but I’m pretty sure it ruled. Yeah, last friday night!!!

Again, something I’ve seen a lot. I don’t really understand this. You have Google, the universal search engine that can tell you ANYTHING. If you are going to post a popular radio song, like Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night”, check the lyrics. Pop songs tend to not make sense, but in this case, a “black top blur” is, in no way, a plausible lyric… It’s a blacked out blur.

Mean Comments

It’s one thing to have a heated discussion on Facebook. It’s another to hate on everyone’s posts. I get it. You’re close-minded, as most idiots are, and don’t like to see things different than you view them. However, there’s one thing you need to grasp throughout this whole blog: Everything you do on the internet stays on the internet FOREVER. Meaning, everyone knows you’re an asshole now. Oops!

These are the top annoyances I have with Facebook. Tell me about your annoyances on Twitter or in the comments!

Until the next time I remember to blog,

ohheytay